11 Jun When to Hug a Hooligan
June 11th, 2026
My job on the ‘snatch squad’ was simple enough. I had the martial arts background, and was the youngest and the fastest. When someone ran onto the pitch, I, and the rest of the squad (normally following behind me) went and got them. Tidy, efficient, and with minimum fuss. When someone in the stands was being a nightmare, it was the same deal: in and out, job done.
The head of security at Tottenham Hotspur between 1998 and 2004 was a man called Terry May. And he taught me more about human nature than almost anyone I’ve met since.
Terry had eyes like HD CCTV back when video surveillance was still ‘grainy, and in black & white’. He had a presence that made big, drunk, angry men quietly reconsider their choices. And he had more empathy than most wellness coaches of today.
One matchday afternoon, Terry called me over. He’d spotted a bloke about “100 rows back, 50 seats in, blue jacket.” It took me a good while to find who Terry had picked out in seconds. The guy was overdoing the effing and blinding (in the Family Stand), had a cigarette on the go, and a hip flask on him too. “No problem, Terry. I’ll have him out in two minutes.”
Terry looked at me and said: “No. Go up there and find the words to get him to behave. We’re not throwing this fella out. There is no need… and… this is all he’s got.”
He held my gaze just long enough. Then I went up.
When I got to the guy, I lowered my voice and told him my at my job was to throw them him out for smoking, drinking, and offending everyone within earshot… but my boss told me to “have a quiet word instead, because he understands you. I don’t know what he was talking about, but he was certain you would.”
He gave me a barely discernible nod and I walked away.
He was absolutely fine for the rest of the season.
That moment is the most powerful illustration of ‘meeting someone where they are at’ that I have ever witnessed. And it is now the foundation of how I coach.
Almost every person who comes to me is beating themselves up. For not doing enough. For not being consistent. For starting and stopping. And meanwhile, too many coaches are prescribing programmes and systems that have no realistic chance of working in the context of most people’s actual lives.
You don’t need a dramatic overhaul. You don’t need to throw yourself out of your own life and start again. You just need someone to come up and have a quiet word. Help you understand the small impact of a few small changes. Move things in a slightly better direction.
There was no need to throw that guy out. Approaching him with a ‘standard’ approach would have left no path to the calm, peaceful and improved outcome for him and everyone around him.
Someone actually understanding where he was at, and showing a little empathy with a bespoke approach flipped a switch that helped him change. The chances are that you just need someone to show you the same understanding and bespoke approach to help you make lasting changes.
Stop following standard advice. If you’ve been throwing yourself out of your own life, let me have a quiet word instead. It’s what the Lean Dad Project is all about. Where to start? With a free Health and Nutrition Audit with me. Click here to get that fresh start booked in.
Ayo Williams