Dealing with food/body shaming

March 18th, 2024

I would define food shaming as the act of making negative comments about a person’s eating habits, or indeed, individual food choices. These comments aren’t necessarily designed to hurt, or make someone feel judged, but the truth is that this is often the case. Who does it affect? To a greater or lesser extent, the vast majority of us, at some point in our lives. In my practice as a coach, clients frequently recall memories of friends and family members expressing ‘shock’ at what was on their plate “…are you going to eat all that…?”, “…shouldn’t you be on a diet…?” simply because my client didn’t fit into what the speaker defined as being in ‘optimal shape’.

Why does this happen? It’s often a ‘throwaway comment’, said in ‘jest’ or a genuine attempt to cajole someone into making a ‘healthier’ choice in that moment. If you’re reading this and this is something that you do, please be aware that these comments can, and really do affect people and help foster lasting roots of guilt and shame regarding food. None of which are useful in a journey to overall health and food-freedom! If it has happened, or is happening to you there are a few things you can do to deal with it.

If it’s a one-off, and you’d rather ‘let it slide’, remind yourself that their comment says more about them than it does about you. They don’t know your deeper journey (even if they’re your best friend/spouse and think that they do). Keep your self-compassion high, and give yourself the grace to give your body what it needs/wants in any given moment.

You can meet them head-on with a smile or gentle rebuttal… in answer to the above questions for example you could look them in they eye and say “…yes I am. And I’m going to enjoy it without shame, actually.” Or “…shouldn’t you be focusing on the art of tactfulness?”. It’s important not to encourage any discussion on the actual subject matter… it’s none of their business and even if it was, this is not the moment or method to make any positive change!

Body shaming is at least as common, and manifests itself in all sorts of ways… amplified of course in the social media space. Firstly, it’s a great help to be aware of our own tendencies… do you compare yourself unfavourably to images of celebrities (or anyone else)? Have you criticised someone’s appearance without their knowing…? It’s worth thinking about the deeper ‘why’ this has happened, before taking a few steps to move away from shame and towards positivity.

• Call it out! – be honest and look at your own actions… once you are aware of the way that you body-shame (even if its just internally) you will start to notice just how often folks around you do it. Start a conversation about why it’s not a good thing and how dialling it down would lead to a better atmosphere.

• Seek out and spend time with those in your circle who simply don’t comment on physical appearance. Or even better, those who are more into what the body can do rather than what it looks like!

• What do you like about your body? What does it do well? If you are on a journey of self-improvement, which non-visual improvements can you/are you looking forward to celebrating?

It’s important for me to add here that there is nothing wrong with wanting to become ‘the best version of yourself’, whatever that might be. Self-improvement should be celebrated, especially when there are associated health benefits. I am, after all, (amongst other things) a fat loss specialist. The problem comes with that external, unwarranted pressure to look a certain way, with no context of an individual’s challenges or journey.

Unsolicited comments on someone else’s food or body are inappropriate, 99% of the time. If your comment can’t create a positive change towards the outcome you imagine would be beneficial, keep it to yourself. Similarly, if someone’s comment makes you feel bad – call it out, or remind yourself of your own personal journey and give the comment the disdain it deserves. Change, if indeed that is what an individual is seeking, happens when one is ready. Never through shame.

Ayo Williams

For a rounded and compassionate approach to becoming the best version of yourself, contact Ayo at: https://www.ayotrainingnutrition.com/contact/